Right now, it is easy to overthink things either outside in the world currently or from the past. In some ways NOW is not a problem, just try not to overthink stuff. What I mean is, when it comes to thinking about the past, you don’t need to go deep into the memory.
It is easy to remember an event and replay it through your head over and over again. The next thing is you start to analyse what you said and maybe even how you acted, how you felt. It gets to a point where you start to play the event like a record in your head. You start to think about what would happen if I had done this or what about if you had “just done ……” or “if I had just read…...”.
One of the worst things to overthink from the past is words and actions. Let’s look at actions. This is where you look at the event and start to question how you behaved. Now, lets speak a little about alcohol. So, a small amount of alcohol can help you feel-good and drop a bit of stress, you know that’s ok to a point. Alcohol in larger amount lowers inhibitions, clouds judgment and can lead to “questionable” actions. I’m not here to judge, we all need space, a glass of wine or two after a hard day. But it’s worth just remembering that, if you do go to that party and get drunk, the chances of doing something daft will go up.
Lets now think about just day to day life. There are plenty of times when I have put my foot in it, or I have walked away from a conversation thinking “OMG, why did I say that?” or “I said that completely wrong”. These thoughts then move on to “what must they think about me” or “I really can’t speak to them again, because that was so embarrassing”. Even when it’s a conversation that just happened earlier in the day, or something from the past, you run it through your mind. Do you recognise these thoughts? Do have them running around your head?
I have a question for you, do you know what other people are thinking? Can you read minds? I know I can’t, no matter what I do, I know I can’t read minds. If you answer is yes, well, well done you. If your answer is no, then why are you putting thought into someone else’s head? I don’t mean to sound rude, but that’s a little unfair for the other person, right? If they were unhappy about the conversation, or the incident, don’t you think something would have been said by now?
You don’t have to pretend that the event, conversation didn’t happen. Be realistic, if someone was unhappy with what you have said or how you said it, wouldn’t they have had words back? There are not many people who wouldn’t say something. Thinking like that, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to the other person. If you really want, ask them, don’t just put thoughts in their head when you don’t know what they ARE thinking. What would be the worst thing to happen if you did ask them? Well, on one side they just don’t get what you are on about, or they will go “yeah, but it’s ok, I get you”. If you think about it their thoughts don’t count, how does that make you feel? Does it take a little pressure off you? I hope it does. The next thing to do is explore why you think this way. Start asking yourself this question, but be kind to yourself. Don’t go to in-depth unless you have support.
I hope this has help in a way. If you need support, feel free to get in touch with me at tadworththerapy@gmail.com or text 07932675586
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